Beyond Serenity

Standing on the broad walk,
I stop to look at the sea.
How I love it.
I can't even describe
The happiness it brings to me.
Right now it's beautiful.
It's calm and bluish green,
Just like I expect it to be.
No waves,
No wind,
No seagulls,
Just water, serene and sedated.
That's what I see.
I wish I'm blind.
If I were blind,
I wouldn't see the corny disguises,
I wouldn't be fooled
By the esthetic façade.
If I were blind,
I'd hear beyond the silence,
And see beyond the mask.
If I were blind,
I would be able to hear
The screaming of the tortured deep.
If I were blind,
I would be able to see
The turbulence in the agonized waters.
A million stories lay at its bottom,
A history that goes back
To the beginning of time.
If I were blind,
I would be able to smell
The rust that ate up
Long-forgotten laughters,
Horrifying scandals,
And a wisdom as old as sand.
To me it looks numb,
To me it looks carefree,
To me it looks slightly troubled,
To me it's only a surface.
If only I were blind,
I would be able to hear,
I would be able to listen,
I would be able to decipher
Meanings,
Feelings,
Fears,
And hopes.

On the Way to Heaven

I had this dream yesterday that I was sitting in an elevator, a huge volleyball court sized elevator, that was terribly empty. There were eight of us in that dull room, not speaking nor looking around, each was just staring at a spot he had taken as a tiny shelter for his lost eyes. But, I had this feeling that we were nine, and I don’t mean any spiritual spirit or angel, no, it just felt like we were simply nine. The light was very strong, white and blue, the kind that would normally make you completely blind. We were on our way to heaven. There were a few chairs, white chairs, scattered around the place. About four persons, the shells of broken souls, were sitting on these chairs with their backs slightly bent, and their elbows resting on their knees, while their sickly white hands were holding their exhausted heads. Some were wandering around the place, nervously, like children who have done something wrong and are hearing their parents’ cars approaching. I looked up and saw one man staring straight ahead from the elevator’s only window. His eyes were the eyes of a kid looking at two toys that he loves so much but is obliged to choose only one. Those blue eyes were so eager to go out and dance crazily with the sleepy clouds. Suddenly, the lights went off and the elevator stopped. But still, no one uttered a word or even a remark but I had this feeling that everyone was still keeping his old weary-like position. It was so quiet and sad. Then, a voice came out: “God I was a foul. I kept praying and asking God to take me away from all that chaos down there, to relieve me from all my suffering but now I realise what a sweet hell it was. I miss it already. I really do.”
“Do you believe in God?”
“Excuse me?!”
“Well, do you or not?”
“I don’t really know. Sometimes I do when I’m too happy and don’t want the diminishing reason for such ecstasy to fade away, and thus have to hold on to something. Or when I’m too frustrated and just have to blame someone, someone I know would not answer me back or prove me wrong for such an accusation since I won’t be in any position to defend myself.”
“Well, I don’t. For one thing, I believe it’s wrong to believe in an unfair God. Good people suffer for no reason, justice is never served and all the power rests in the hands of those who misuse it. And what does He, up here in the shadows, do? Nothing, simply nothing. Furthermore, I’m not ready to prevent myself from earth’s pleasures and gifts, that are worth living for, just because of an ancient promise of eternal content that, for all I know, may be as false as this weird and unproved existence of an upper force.”
“How can you say such thing? Who else would’ve created what we had? Who was on your side when everyone else wasn’t? And...”
“He wasn’t always on my side, that is if he’s there at all.”
“Well all the miracles that happen everyday, who turned them into a reality? Why are they so unexplainable and no science, no nothing, was able to emulate them?”
“You believers just can’t look at the picture from a different perspective. See it all and then explain. If you couldn’t analyse what is going on maybe it’s just that you’re not putting enough effort, you’re not seeing clear enough. You’re blinded by the seductive ease of going in a path of such faith that free you from all responsibilities of explanation towards yourself and others.”
“Well did your atheism get you anywhere? Anywhere at all? You’re as lost, as confused as the rest of us, with unanswered questions but with more sins to pay for.”
“Personally, I can’t imagine life, the world as a whole without a God. It’ll look so insecure. Actually, I feel much more protected and reassured knowing that there is someone or something watching me wherever I go, trying to look after me as much as He possibly can, since I’m not alone on this earth and thus, can’t be His only concern. I’m pretty sure that if there weren’t any God, I’ll make up one just for my own sake.”
Suddenly, the lights came back and everyone was quiet again. No hum or whistle, the same old silence. The elevator started to move again and everyone around, as I stared doubtfully, was still in his old, sad, nervous and weary-like position. God I felt so lonely.